amurr’kn ale-off
July 14, 2011, 9:55 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

this beer-off was aided and abetted by amy’s parents fridge, and binny’s in chicago – a bottle shop with a truly impressive selection of little beers in big bottles from all over the US, and the world. didn’t see any emerson’s bookbinder or mountain goat rare breed, but these brews excuse that kind of backwards-ass ignorance, for now.

first up, in no particular order…

new belgium ranger india pale ale

they say: Are you a hopinista? Thank our beer rangers for inspiring (and begging for) this well balanced Simcoe, Cascade and Chinook hopped IPA. 70 IBUs.

me say: Are you a pot-inista? Thank our weed rangers for getting really high and and inspired (and begging Jah Rastafari himself for) this well skunky Sativa, Cannabis and Cashcrop stinkin’ IPA. 70% chance of making your case of cotton mouth worse. Woah, bum out, I lost my beeeeer, man. Hey, have you seen my beer, bro? waait, i can smell it…

do not drink when not cold or high. huh? – 6.4/whaa..?

goose island matilda belgian style ale

they say: Pale ale fermented with brettanomyces. 7% alcohol by volume. 650ml – 1pint 6 fl oz. Develops in the bottle for up to 5 years. Contains live yeast. A sediment may form.

me say: Paleish aleish soup fermented by Brett van der Belgian, a hobby-trappist monk living in seclusion on Goose Island, Chicago. 7% alcohol, by Jesus Christ Almighty. 650ml is a confusing measurement to most Americans, and 1 pint may be offensive to Belgians, but through religion and this beer we will all come to a common understanding. Develops in the bottle for up to 5 centuries. Achtung! Contains live beast. Addiction may form.

Praise be(er) – 7.5/10, Amen.

boulevard brewing tank 7 farmhouse ale

they say: Most breweries have at least one piece of equipment that’s just a bit persnickity. Here at Boulevard it’s fermenter number seven, the black sheep of our cellar family. Ironically, when our brewers were developing variations on a traditional Belgian-style farmhouse ale, the perfect combination of elements came together in that very vessel. you could call it fate, but they called it Tank 7, and so it is. Beginning with a flavourful surge of fruity aromatics and hoppy, grapefruit notes, this complex, straw coloured ale finshes long, dry and spicy.

me say: Most breweries could never brew a beer that could be even partly described as persnickity. If the Matilda contained even half as much persnickity as this beer, Australia just might get a Belgian monk named Brett to re-write it’s national anthem. Beginning in Tank 7 with a bunch of flavour notes that sound like wank but are actually right on the money, this complex, persnickity coloured ale finishes wanting another one. We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

nevermind Tank 7, this is Tank 9/10. *includes bonus half point for a sweet label.

rogue dead guy ale

*this is the beer to which all the others must keep up with or bow down to. it could go toe to toe with the bookbinder for the intercontinental championship belt. minus one point to even give the others a chance. rubber dave abides.

they say: In the style of a German Maibock, using our proprietary Pacman ale yeast. Deep honey in color with a malty aroma and a rich hearty flavor.

me say: In the style of Pacman using a proper German Mauser yeast rifle, this beer is like chomping down a game’s worth of hearty malty Pac pellets in liquid form, especially after a hard arvo’s running around the rat race. Game on, chomp them dead guys down! Nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom

High Score – 9.5/10 (minus 1 point to give the others a chance: 8.5)

chatoe rogue OREgasmic ale

they say: OREgasmic Ale is brewed with all First Growth Oregon hops and malt grown on Rogue’s own micro hopyard and barley farm. Orange-amber in color, malty aroma, spicy fruity hop flavor with solid malt background and lingering finish.

me say: OREgasmic ale is brewed with hopefully no OREgon OREgasms at ALL. That kind of business is best left to winemakers and coffee cuppers. However, it’s pretty sexy that Rogue is y’know, totally doing it in their own garden, makes me feel really good about having a beer. It’s like if the Dead Guy was reincarnated as Sexy Woman.

Mmm, lingering finish… 9/10

big muddy brewing co. pale ale

they say: The third and newest addition to Big Muddy Brewing’s lineup is an ale called “Big Muddy Pale Ale”

me say: This (these?) dude(s?) is (are?!) too busy brewing Big Muddy Beer to update their Big Muddy Website and I was too Big Muddy Drunk drinking this Big Muddy Pale Ale to notice that it was anything but fugggendelishuzzz. Did not make me leave anything Big and Muddy in Amy’s parent’s bathroom the next morning, either.

Big Muddy More Please Buddy – 8.5/10

in conclusion

i concluse that either the US is beating Australia (and possibly New Zealand?) at making really good beers, or I am getting really better at choosing really good beer by looking at the label. both, probably. i did not drink these all in one go, but if we weren’t staying with amy’s parents, i might well have. all killer, no filler – scout’s honour.

however – the best amongst this rowdy bunch of persnickity bastards is the scandalous chatoe rogue OREgasmic ale. contrary to my selection hypothesis above, the label was kinda average looking, but i copped it on the rep of my homeboy, dead guy. not unlike other sexy things from the opposite side of the world, it will be expensive and hard to get down here, but well worth it in the end.


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